CONFESSIONS OF A                                                                  
     
RESTAURANT WHORE
A San Francisco Girl's Down and Dirty Adventures in the Culinary Playground

Monday, August 22, 2005

Rachael Ray, Minion of Satan (Dine and Dish #4)

When Sam threw down the gauntlet and called for all to attempt being Rachael Ray for a day, I couldn't resist. I watch her show, "$40 a day," cursing with each meal she eats. You see, something about Ms. Ray just makes my blood curdle. Maybe it's the orgasmic face she makes with EVERY fucking thing she eats (come on, it's not all that good). Maybe it's her poor attempts at being cool. Maybe it's her stupid way of buying a "snack" that ends up being the most expensive thing in her entire day's worth of meals. Maybe it's because some of her choices are just dumb. Maybe I'm just jealous that her job is traveling around the world to eat. In any case, she bugs me. But despite all this, I still watch the friggin' show. It's like the whole staring at a car accident thing -- I just can't look away.

And, I thought, I can eat on $40 a day easily. Especially here in sweet l'il San Francisco. So here's what I'd do with a $40 budget in SF, if I had to dine out all day. Because Lord knows, I would never dine out all day unless a challenge like this were in place. I'll continue writing when the laughter subsides.

BREAKFAST: Tartine. No brainer there. Where else (outside Paris) can you get a delicious, flaky, buttery (but not greasy) croissant? I'll take the pain au chocolat made with Scharfen Berger chocolate for $2.65 please, Alex. Add a cappucino and tip to that and you're looking at about $6.00. Hot damn!

LUNCH: Saigon Sandwich. Make mine a BBQ chicken banh mi, please, with some extra chilis. No charge for the labyrinth-like line. And how about a coke? All this will set you back a whopping $3. That's right, $3. Almost enough for a night with your mama, but not quite.

SNACK: Mitchell's Ice Cream. I'm not going to blow my wad on a snack, and at Mitchell's, I don't need to. Single cone with buko ice cream and chocolate jimmies (that would be sprinkles for those of you who did not have the privelege of growing up east coast style), plus a 50 cent tip for the scoopers who put up with a hell of a lot every day = only $3. Yes, same cost as lunch, but still balls cheap.

DINNER: Pizzeria Delfina. Salsiccia pizza with peppers and onions -- $13.25. And of course, one needs some wine, especially one who had a harrowing experience with the retardo Sprint lady on the phone today, so grab a glass of Montepulciano for a hefty $4. With tax and tip you are looking at $25. That's right, none of this Rachael Ray giving shit for tips bullcrap, I do right by my servers.

So my grand total comes out to $37. Leaving me enough money to grab another croissant at Tartine on my way home so I can eat it for breakfast tomorrow. Mmmm...gluttony.

Stand aside, Ms. Ray, I'm gunnin' for your job.

xoxo
Joy

"To eat is a necessity. To eat intelligently is an art."
--La Rochefoucauld

20 Comments:

Blogger Amy Sherman said...

Excellent choices, especially lunch!

8/22/2005 5:05 PM  
Blogger Brian said...

Maybe it's the way she leaves a $1.27 tip on an $8 meal. Well, that's what drives me crazy.

8/22/2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger shuna fish lydon said...

I hate food celebrities that have BEEN CREATED OVERNIGHT. Especially since it is hard fucking work to be a line cook or a chef! It's the work of America-- celebrities that come from no where and not on merit. ICK.

anyway. do you live in the Mission? This is a great list.

8/24/2005 10:43 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

Yes, ma'am, Mission it is. Some classify it as SOMA so I usually split the difference.

8/24/2005 10:50 AM  
Anonymous Fatemeh said...

OK, this is super-creepy.

My Oakland version of the challenge has me eating a chocolatine for b'fast and a banh mi for lunch. TOO WEIRD.

What's that they say about great minds and all that?

8/24/2005 11:27 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

Fatemah -- I know! I didn't realize it until after I read your post. We'll have to do an SF/East Bay chocolatine/banh mi swap one of these days.

8/24/2005 5:43 PM  
Anonymous Fatemeh said...

Oh, oh, yes PLEASE!!

We can meet on Treasure Island! HA!

8/24/2005 8:25 PM  
Anonymous jeanne said...

ah, jimmies...I was chastised when I first moved to Cali when I asked for them. Sprinkles they said. No, there jimmies, I say and hold to it too. Keep the regional cultures alive and atop my Mitchell's Mexican Chocolate!

8/25/2005 7:01 AM  
Blogger Rachael Ray said...

Dahhling.
You are in such good company - with the Praiser of Sardines and Amy.
Hey - can't we bury the hatchett? Puhleease! Kissy, kissy, Mwah, Mwah!
Hows about I let you buy me a snack next time I'm in town. You're so sassy, I'd love to meet you. Maybe you could help me toughen up my stylee.

Love you.
I know you're only pretending not to like me.
I mean, everyone loves me, don't they? Don't they?

xxRachaelxx

8/25/2005 11:00 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

sorry it took so long
and sorry I couldn't stop and drink with you on saturday morning


but the round up is finally on my blog!

8/29/2005 7:41 AM  
Anonymous sarah said...

hey joy...hm, how come i've never seen this blog before? or maybe i have and i was shocked and awed. lol!

anyway, thanks so much for hating rachael ray so much you decided to take her job, lol!!! hopefully we'll see you at the next dine and dish, too! chow ciao! sarah

8/29/2005 3:53 PM  
Blogger Gayle And Don said...

in my house we have turned $40 a day into a fun game... each time rachel takes her first bite of a meal she makes the orgasmic face and says "MMMMMMM...... ?..." our game rests on the next word after the "mmmmm"
we bet on what it will be...
MMMMM....Wonderful!
MMMMM....Amazing!
MMMMM....Wow!

Try it out sometime.... may the prize something food related... like the last brownie or something fun.
My kids have even joined in on the fun....and now with TIVO... we pause right at the bite and place our bets.

oh, by the way, thank you so much for the recommendation for Dim Sum!
It was everything you said it was. Great food ,good prices, good service!

8/31/2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger Gayle And Don said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/31/2005 1:18 PM  
Blogger SFsourDoh said...

I love that you can't stand her, but still watch the show. Same as my wife and me.

9/04/2005 11:08 AM  
Anonymous Aaron Ingber said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/16/2005 7:24 PM  
Anonymous Les Clark said...

Hey, it's a set with all the ingredients at her fingertips. In my house, I'm a mating mouse on speed trying to cook. In my house, I use Crisco oil. If I ever said EVOO, I'd burst into flames. And that thing with the salt over the shoulder? Rachael, it's a waste of salt and scratches my laminate floor. In conclusion, she's no Michael Chiarella or Giarda but I do keep thinking she'd be just as good in mime.

11/02/2005 6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder why it is that some people can get on the internet and say whatever they want about someone and think that's okay?

Karma is a funny thing... hate to see what yours brings you someday. What a hateful person you are!

I think Rachael Ray is awesome and I admire her spunk and zest for life and food. How anyone can hate her just because she has been successful is beyond me. Maybe you're all just JEALOUS!

11/04/2005 1:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I don't profess to love Rachael Ray, but the amount of heat she is under for really no reason I can see, is utterly ridiculous. Here is some advice to all you Rachael haters: IF YOU HATE HER, DON'T WATCH HER DAMN SHOWS. You have the option not to watch her, obviously you have to give her credit if you "cant look away." Something is keeping your attention, and in my opinion, it is sheer jealousy in the fact that she is a normal, average girl like any of us, but she is getting paid millions because of it. So back off, she is not that different from you I bet.

11/20/2006 12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah I agree with the other anonymous. And as if that bobble-head Giada ISN'T annoying? That woman has no less than 8 million teeth in her mouth and she feels it necessary to flash them every goddamn second of her show while crooning, "ohhhh you can taste the MUUUUZ-A-RELLLAAAA"

PLEASE. She tries even harder than Rachael Ray, I am 100% Italian and even I hate her goddamn pronunciations.

11/20/2006 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That food all sounded fantastic. Right now I could really go for a good french pastry. Living in France spoiled me forever. Minnesota does not do them well at all. Execept for Patrick's in Edina. But he is French....

And how's this for you- in England jimmies are called hundreds of thousands. Talk about confusing when I asked for jimmies. And keep on dissing Ms Ray- that woman needs to learn to cook and tip.

8/10/2007 7:50 PM  

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